I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
