wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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