I have demons in me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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