Rock
Scissors
Fuck
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
