I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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