there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
