i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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