You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
