Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
