She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
