I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i believe in u and ur pee
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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