Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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