Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
