hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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