Non-Jews are for practice
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
