woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
