actually, I'm a sock model
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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