I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
