i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
