he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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