I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
