yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
