Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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