There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
