Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish I only lived at night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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