So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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