and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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