Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
