Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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