Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
