i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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