Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
