I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
