I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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