Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
