I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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