i barfeds in our rink
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
