TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
