nut hugger
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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