Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
