Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
