yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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