I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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