i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
