My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Couch. On fire.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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