I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
50% drunk capacity currently
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
