Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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