i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
