When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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