Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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