I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
