its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They took my balls.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
