Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
