so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
