if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
