His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
