so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
