I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
