Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
