I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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