so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
