A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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